June 15, 2006

Today is the day to see what's happening in your neck of the woods.

Book By Its Cover Review: Being a Celebrity Baby

The big news last week in entertainment was the release of the photos of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's little bastard baby. In the meantime, everyone's been nuts to see pictures of Gwen Stefani's kid, Tom Cruise's kid, and whatever else future head cases are out there.

If I were one of these babies, I'd feel even more pressure than most babies feel. First, you are physical proof that two celebrities had sex (well, except maybe in the case of Michael Jackson. And maybe Tom Cruise.) Also, everyone can't wait to see when the physical proof of the trauma of being raised by a celebrity (or a celebrity nanny) starts to manifest itself. But I think overall, the main stress is how you look. All newborn babies look the same. ALL OF THEM. They're all red and awful-looking and squinty and squally and gross. No matter if your mother is Angelina Jolie or some ugly non-Jolie person. It's not fair to these babies. They have so much pain in store for them in their lives: why do we begin so quickly? On the other hand, maybe Britney Spears has gotten it right. At first she was reluctant to show off her kid Sean Preston, and now she's carrying it around more than most actresses carry sissififed little dogs. And now I'm just sick of looking at that fat, fat baby.