Today is the day to pretend to be nice to children.

I'm sure you already knew this already, but if for some reason you forgot (ahem), I turn 27 this Saturday. Yes, the day typically known as tax day here in the States (although since my birthday falls on a non-business day, tax day is actually April 17 this year.

Not that I'm trolling for gifts. God knows you probably won't be able to afford them after (the new and improved) tax day. I know I won't be able to throw a big party for myself. Thanks to a lot of untaxed freelance work, I owe the government an obscene amount of money. I don't even want to think about it actually because it makes me so upset.

So anyway, the big Zulkey.com birthday party will be curtailed this year due to money deficiency. Here are some tentative possibilities for a more affordable celebration:

• Everyone take a break from work and meet in a municipal park for a drink from the water fountain before going back to the office.
  
  
• "Imaginary balloons"
  
  
• The gift of nonviolence
  
  
• Electronic greeting cards, provided that you are using somebody else's computer and Internet connection to save yourself some money.
  
  
• Locks of hair from all my friends (that they got from the floor of a barber shop)
  
  
• A neighborhood 'rap session' wherein guests attempt to 'rap' based on headlines from the newspaper box we're standing around.
  
  
• Church party* (*party means Mass)