Today is the day to punish someone.

Book By Its Cover Review: Being Married to This Guy

Okay, obviously, this guy has some control issues. My current (for now) boyfriend goes berserk when I switch to a re-run of "Friends" during a commercial during a re-run of "The Simpsons," so imagine what this guy would do. He'd probably literally whip me.

So setting up a contract for wifely expectations could be a problem. I wonder when he gave this to her: when they got engaged? At the altar? And how did he choose that font?

Let's see. Regarding the rules, I have issue with these:

Shaving my legs every three days would not be pretty. But on the flip side, having to use a ruler to shave my pubic hair (actually having to shave it period) would be inconvenient.

I do not look good in thongs or thigh-highs. But I have to admit, I'd be a little bit flattered if my husband was so hot for me that he had to write up a faux legal document to keep me in sexy clothes. Ditto for the nudity and photography clause.

There's something sort of charming about the "no crying or sobbing" rule. It kind of makes him sound like Santa.

This fellow also places a high priority on sleep, which I can appreciate.

Plus, he lives in Iowa. I really like Iowa. How do I know ? My current (for now) boyfriend used to live there. That's the circle of life.

On the other hand, Travis Frey likes kiddie porn. That's a problem.