Today is the day to eat your Wheaties.

Dear Mrs. Zulkey.com Can Help You Handle Annoying Husbands

Dear Mrs. Zulkey,

This is a small and silly problem (in light of all the large and serious issues with which I might possibly have to be grappling) but isn't it always the niggly little things that consternate and aggravate us the most?

My husband, always a well-mannered gentleman, has begun to -- how shall I put it? -- masticate loudly, and it's driving me crazy. Dining with him has become quite an exercise in forbearance. He doesn't have dental problems and up until recently his eating habits have been impeccable. I know my cooking is lip-smacking good (he's gained a bit of weight since we've been married) but his performance at the dinner table is making me lose my appetite. I can only imagine what it is doing to others who have occasion to share meals with him.

How should I deal this delicate little problem? Or am I simply being too nitpicky?

Thank you,

Needing Ear Plugs in Peoria

Dear Peorian,

You can deal with this in one of two ways. The first is rather devious. You tell him "we have to talk." This generally scares the daylights out of any spouse. It implies that it might be about a recent death in the family, a life-threatening illness, the pet being lost, the life savings squandered, or your impending divorce. By comparison, your trivial issue is a welcome relief and easily resolvable.

The more adult way to handle it is to be forthright. You state quite plainly that you are deeply saddened by the fact that the honeymoon appears to be over since his attention to civilized, polite behavior has been abandoned. He may counter with a position that it's not a major flaw, you're being picky and that there are worse things a husband can do, etc. Your trump card is to let him know in no uncertain terms that he's making himself unattractive to you. I believe he will recognize the consequences.

Mrs. Zulkey

Dear Mrs. Zulkey.com is my mom. She can advise you on nearly anything. Send her a question.