Today is the day to be purposefully vague.

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Mrs. Zulkey.com Will Give You Gift Advice Even Though I Oversold It

Hi Mrs. Zulkey.com,

I would love your suggestions for Christmas presents. Selfishly, I would like your suggestions for my family, though I would assume this may apply to the greater Zulkey-reading population at large.

Here is some background:

Dad: plays golf, softball, racquetball, seems to like "anything". Mom: cooks, always asks for pajamas but I'm tired of buying them, likes typically girlie stuff (i.e. jewelry, scarves, etc.) Both parents spend a lot of time under umbrellas at the beach, they drink tea, and most years I buy them Broadway tickets (We live in NY).
Older brother (28 yrs old): makes enough money to buy whatever he wants, making him the hardest, though he likes the sports, if that helps. Young brother (22 yrs old, recent college grad): just got his first job, so probably needs work clothes, probably wants some stupid video game but knows better than to ask me to buy it.

Thank you, Mrs. Z! Hope you have a great holiday season!!

Love,
Christmas advisee

Dear Ms. Claus,

I fear my credentials as a personal shopper may have been overestimated by Zulkey.com. You see, I am a product of a mixed marriage, gift-giving wise. My Dad was about as bad as it gets regarding presents, both giving and receiving. One year he rather angrily remarked after being given a lovely cashmere cardigan that he had absolutely no use for it since he already HAD a sweater. And, even though he was not a G.I. who liberated occupied France during World War II, he perennially gave my Mother three pairs of nylon stockings and an envelope of cash for Christmas. My Mother, on the other hand, used the holidays as an opportunity to exercise her two favorite pastimes, shopping and hiding it from my Dad.

My husband would probably suggest I favor my Mother's side of the family. With all this in mind, I'll give it a go:

Moms are easy. You're looking for something personal she'd never get from the men in her life nor buy for herself. Check out your local papers for the myriad arts and crafts bazaars this time of year, especially those run by art centers or museums and look for hand-woven scarves and unusual jewelry pieces. The Met gift store has gorgeous individual teapots. For the best selection of beautifully different but wearable leather gloves, go to Neiman Marcus. Padded, satin hangers are always welcome. The Container Store has them, but finer ones can be purchased from Horchow. Mom cooks? Then she might get a kick out of a boxed set of Julia Child's old TV show, "The French Chef", which is probably both funny and informative. It's available here. Finally, for a nostalgia trip, take a look at Melanie Rehak's book, "Girl Sleuth: Nancy Drew and the Women Who Created Her."

If Dad is a vigorous sportsman heading into middle age, he probably has a kink in one or more of his joints, so perhaps a gift certificate for a massage at his health club. And, none of us is too good nor too proud to use a golf lesson from the local pro. Golf balls are a good last resort, but only if you're absolutely sure what kind he prefers. If he's a lifelong learner, I highly recommend the Teaching Company's courses on CD or audiotape. Outstanding, engaging professors enlighten you on everything from the Old Testament to the Civil War, Mark Twain or our Great Presidents. Take a look here.

For older brother who has money to burn, I'd recommend Suzanne Munshower's paperback, "Simply Sophisticated: What Every Worldly Person Needs to Know." Or how about a subscription to a magazine that suits his interests, such as "Smithsonian" or "Outside?" If you know he's going to be traveling, how about some guidebooks for his destination? The Eyewitness series is best for whetting one's appetite for the experience. Perhaps you and younger brother could pool your funds and get him the Bose Quiet Comfort headset, especially good for long plane trips. Finally, Hermes has a box of drawer/shelf liners that would add a deliciously masculine scent to his sweater drawer. Don't be scared off by Hermes - a box is under $35. The stores don't usually have them on hand, but they can be ordered.

For younger brother, I have my hopes pinned on "The Q" from USBiometrics.com. It's only $40 and sounds really nifty. It's a small computer gadget that uses your fingerprint to replace your need for a password or user ID. It's reputed to be easy to install and use. On the lighter side, the Onion crowd has a new book out, called "Embedded in America."

Now get moving, Toots. You don't want to have to pay extra for overnight shipping!

Mrs. Zulkey

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