Today is the day to drink strong coffee.
Zulkey.com will return on Monday. Enjoy your holiday.
Mrs. Zulkey.com Can Always Help Out a Fellow Mrs.
Dear Mrs. Zulkey.com,
As another mother of grown children, you are the perfect person to address
my issue.
I have two enormously successful sons, ages 20 and 26. The 20 year old is
in an excellent private college, has a 4.0 GPA, studied abroad this summer
and will be doing so again next fall, has a wonderful long-term girlfriend
whom he's probably going to marry, and is planning on attending law school.
The 26 year old is a self-made man who has risen from night auditor in an
unimpressive local motel at 18 to be the general manager of a major hotel
on the Atlantic coast of Florida. These young men are wonderful to their mother,
devoted to their family, ambitious and admirable and delightful people whom
I consider to be two of my best friends as well as my own beloved progeny.
So what's my problem, you ask? Well, I worry about them constantly. I wake
up in the middle of the night with panic attacks about them. I have scary
dreams about them. In short, I am a great big bundle of free-floating anxiety
about them. Frankly, I don't remember fretting anywhere near this much when
they were little. If they were leading dubious lives or in trouble or having
serious difficulties or major personal problems, I could understand my being
nervous. But why, when they are doing so well, do I stress out so much about
them?
Is this normal or am I headed for an intimate lifetime relationship with Prozac
and/or a long stay in a rest home??? (If the latter, might you recommend a
nice one I could go to?)
Sincerely,
Sleepless in the South
My Dear Anxietrix,
What, you worry?
Why, of course you do. What I diagnose here is what may be called prophylactic
worrying. Everything is going so right, you're thinking that sooner or later
that proverbial shoe is going to drop. Subconsciously and superstitiously
you feel your continuous fretting will somehow keep that shoe up in the air
where it belongs.
Now who's to say you're not right to worry? Some youngsters become so successful
they move to the hills of Los Angeles or the skyscrapers of New York, fall
in with a fast crowd, and next thing you know they're hooked on cocaine or
worse, that disfiguring meth. Or, some botoxed little gold digger snares them,
carrying baggage like a jealous ex-husband with anger management problems.
Or they get a fabulous assignment in Riga, you hardly ever see them and your
grandchildren only speak Latvian. And what about that identity theft? Did
they get their flu shots? Did they set their clocks back?
I'm not helping here, am I?
The fact is that, sooner or later, something is going to happen. A little
fender bender, a lost cell phone resulting in a large bill for overseas calls,
a sprained ankle, perhaps. But ironically, they won't tell you about it for
fear that you'll worry.
I'll tell you when you really have to start worrying, and that's when your
boys start worrying about YOU! Mom didn't answer the phone, I wonder if she
broke her hip and is lying helpless at the bottom of the basement stairs,
whimpering our names. Mom really shouldn't be driving at night anymore. Mom's
been taking phone calls from so-called "investment houses." Mom's
been acting funny lately. That's when you'll really have something to worry
about.
So, is all this anxiety normal? To a degree. But try ratcheting it down a
notch. Tomorrow's Thanksgiving. Why not let the anxiety go for the day and
count your blessings. You just might make it a habit.
Mrs. Zulkey
Mrs. Zulkey.com is cooking Thanksgiving dinner for 20 people on Thursday.
Can you believe it? Obviously, this woman is quite capable and can answer
your query. Send her an email with your
question.