Today is the day to look away: I'm a monster.

Dear Mrs. Zulkey.com is my mom and advice columnist. She'll help you with anything you want. Anything that's not nasty. Send her an email.

I am putting up the usual Tuesday list today because I have a very special surprise for you tomorrow.

How did Ashlee Simpson Sing on Saturday Night Live This Weekend?

Like an angel

Like an angel with a mediocre singing voice

All right, I guess

Like she had an overbearing father holding a gun to her head

Scratchy

Mostly in tune?

Like she was proving that she is somewhat talented rather than not talented at all

To the tune of awesome ratings

She rocked my world! (I live in India)

She still kind of sucks