Today is the day to consider how long it's been since the year 1917.

If you live in Chicago, come out on tonight--nice and early so you have time to get home and watch baseball--to Border's on Halsted to see Dan Buckman and me read from the fabulous crime anthology Chicago Noir. Now even more events here.

Dear Mrs. Zulkey.com is my mom and advice columnist. She'll help you with anything you want. Anything that's not nasty. Send her an email.

Dear Mrs. Zulkey.com Deals With Heartache

Dear Mrs. Zulkey.com,

My ex-spouse of 13 years is getting married this weekend to my former best friend. I am 40. My former friend and I met when we were 8-years-old. Although I was 5 years divorced when they "got together," and I chose to leave the marriage, my friend's reaction to my being uncomfortable with the union was, "I have to do what's best for me."

Needless to say, we parted ways, but I have 2 children that continue to see their father with his fiancee and soon to be wife. The issue I am having is not so much with the wedding, but the attendees of the wedding. I feel that in support of me if someone we're truly "with me" on this issue, they would not attend. Almost every mutual friend we (my former friend not ex-husband) have is going to the wedding, including my own brother. I am bothered by this, but can somewhat
understand why they might attend. There is one exception, a member of my book group, Rebekah. She has been very verbal about how terrible she thinks the whole thing is and how she understands why I am upset by the union. Her husband was friendly with my ex-husband, but their
relationship was based mostly on work, but not close by any means. I now find out that she is going to the wedding and never mentioned anything about it to me. The question is: Do I drop out of the book group which we both started 10 years ago--a record for book groups. Do I confront her? Do I pretend nothing is the matter and bow-out gracefully? This is really bothersome because I feel that she was someone who was on my side who now is being swayed into the enemy camp. My former friend now has my friends (so-called), my brother, my children, my ex-husband, all my ex-inlaws (which I know is to be expected) and now she's infiltrating my one safe haven--my book group.

What can I do? What should I do? Am I right for feeling betrayed or am I just a big baby who should mind their own business?

Am I expecting too much for someone to protest in support of me? This seems to me to just validate to my former friend that she did the right thing by sacrificing our friendship for a man and everyone in attendance confirms it. She is also changing her last name to his. To add insult to injury we will both have the same last name.

My Dear Wounded Friend,

My, my, my. Where to begin?

I concede that it is extremely awkward that your former best friend is marrying your ex-husband. A bitter pill to swallow. However, I'm sure you wish them all the best, especially since your children will benefit from the potential success of their union.

Now you need to go on with your life. It's been more than five years since the divorce you initiated. You can continue to divide your world into two camps, but by declaring this war, you risk losing everything you hold dear, including your family, your friends, and your beloved book group.

So, splash some cold water on your face, take a deep cleansing breath, put a smile on your face and say all the right things. I assure you, a new magnanimous attitude will be more than welcomed by all who know you. If it helps, start a diary in which you write down all the mean things you're thinking, then close it up, toss it out and move on.

It won't be easy but you won't be sorry. You'll actually be a whole lot happier and so will everyone else in your life.

Mrs. Zulkey