Today is the day to hide the evidence.
Rejected Copy for the Nike "Real Women" Ads
My knees are bleeding because I just fell down. I have the power to get drunk when I want to. I am proud of them. My mother worries that I will never find a boyfriend with these bloody knees and to that I say, "What the hell are you talking about? You're only my adoptive mother."
My shoulders are covered with freckles and peeling skin because I spent too much time in the sun this weekend, doing yoga or something with my friend. What does my friend have to do with it? Nothing.
My butt is huge. And that's okay. It takes up two seats on the bus but that is your problem, not mine. People stare at it and it's because they are jealous, and a little afraid of its power. My butt is big. Stop staring at it. I hate you.