Today is the day to be true to stick it to the man.

Oh my! If you live in New York, there is absolutely no reason why you should not go to the Pindeldyboz reading tonight. Were you planning on doing something else? Don't. Whatever you were planning to do sucks. Go to the reading instead.

Guest editor week rolls on with an open letter. This particular guest editor is currently unemployed so if you like the way she thinks and writes, offer her a job.

To: Sara Lee
From: A Concerned Consumer
Re: Brownie Bites Begone?

Dear Sara:

About two years ago, my former roommate stumbled upon one of the most delectable treats I've ever wrapped my lips around: your very own Sara Lee Brownie Bites. Instantly, I was hooked.

I didn't abuse them, either: Brownie Bites were for sharing. They were reserved for those times when one needed a pick-me up, or if menstrual madness drove one to the store to pick up a box (this is the only time I'd indulge alone, I swear!)

But now when I go to the store, be it Jewel, Dominick's or elsewhere, they are nowhere to be found. I check all the frozen food aisles, too, and yet, they are gone, as elusive as humility is to Kanye West.

Why you gotta do a sista like that, Sara? Have you sent the recipe to that bakery in the sky? As Zulkey says, your insistence on now having only cheesecake bites available in our grocer's freezer is like having introduced us to The Beatles and giving us The Monkees in their place (or, I would say, it's like replacing my New Edition tapes with music by All 4 One.) Besides, we don't need cheesecake bites: we already have Eli's and Jell-O instant kits. There is even cream cheese flavored to mimic cheesecake, as well as yogurt. There is nothing special about cheesecake…I can get it at any restaurant and sometimes at Burger King (for a limited time only, though.) We need brownie bites!

Cheesecake, my dear, is common: Brownie bites are Moet or Cristal, and cheesecake is Mad Dog or Boone's Farm. I implore you, I beseech you, Ms. Lee, to give us Brownie Bites again. Would you take water away from a thirsty man, or snatch silicone from a stripper's breast? Essentially, this is what the absence of Brownie Bites has done, denied me a necessity or ripped from me the very essence of my being, my reason to get up and work the pole again. Why do you deny a bloated woman the joy of indulging in her much-needed chocolate fix? You are a cruel, cruel broad, Sara….just stingy.

I hope you will find a way to get Brownie Bites back in the beloved freezer cases that need them so much. If nothing else, hook me up with my own lifetime supply, okay?

Sincerely,

Choco Kitty