Today is the day to refute the evidence.

Hey Chicagoans! Don't forget to stop by to see me and my pals TONIGHT!

Also, Zulkey.com will be taking the day off tomorrow to celebrate its owner's birthday.

Book By Its Cover Review: Kevin Federline's Newest "Project"

I imagine that the spawn of Kevin Federline and Britney Spears will be relatively good-looking. Despite their various problems (acne, bad extensions, facial stubble), Britney and Kevin are not bad-looking people. However, neither of them is gorgeous, though, either (you have to admit that Britney would just be another cute girl with big boobs if she weren't Britney Spears) so there is a possibility of the genetics going awry, but the odds are in their favor.

I do not predict that this child will be well-dressed. Neither Kevin nor Brit-Brit have demonstrated a capacity for well-dressedness. I predict there will be laceless baby sneakers with the tongues pulled out, lots of little ponchos, maybe tiny trucker hats, flip-flops, baby short-shorts and so on.

I dont think the baby will be the picture of health. We all know that Britney has a bum knee, for starters, so that doesn't bode well. This is not even to mention the cigarettes, tiny bottles of ginseng and Chee-tos that are being leached into this fetus through its umbilical cord. It might have some dancing chops later in life but I can see this kid being sort of on the scrawny side, with, later in life, a potential chub problem.

But the main thing is, though, what is this baby not going to grow up to be? We all know that children grow up to disappoint and contradict their parents. So what are the things that are near and dear to Britney and Kevin?

Junk food
Religion(s)
Dancing, Music
Not being understood
Small dogs
Trendy but ugly clothes

Thus, I predict that the baby will grow up to be an upstanding yet not terribly interesting adult. He or she will flee the spotlight, possibly to go work in the Peace Corps as a translator, living alone, an intelligent hermit, with only his/her Great Dane and organic garden to keep them company. He or she will meet a similar do-gooder and fall in love because of their communal atheism and they will live together in a mud hut, making clothes out of hemp.