Today is the day to honor the old coaches.

January is about over, but winter still has a few months for us, at least here in the Midwest. Thus I present you:

Some Very Bad Tips for Staying Warm This Winter

• I know all the kids are saying that staying warm is 'so 2004,' but you just have to ignore tham and follow your own heart.
  
  
• A good way to stay warm if you don't have a radiator is to let a light bulb heat up in the socket for a few hours, unscrew it and then put it in your pants.
  
  
• Let Calgon take you away. To Jamaica.
  
  
• Lay in a coffin filled with furiously busy hamsters.
  
  
• Dress nicely and sleep in a heated doorway. You're less likely to be kicked out if the police think you're a business man who just got tired rather than an actual homeless person.
  
  
• If you can't find shelter, get a lot of exercise, which will heat you up. When you cool down again, do another lap around the block. Keep doing this until spring.
  
  
• Check out Britney Spears' latest music video because it is hot.
  
  
• Book a trip to the sun, which is warm this time of year.
  
  
• Catch Illini basketball fever!