Today is the day to blow your mind at 11:11.

Look Out! Steve D. is Back!

Hi! If you can think back to just two short weeks ago, you'll remember that I'm Steve D., the guy who likes, needs, and wants to sound off. Frequently! Unfortunately, last week, as the ever-unpleasant Claire Zulkey made mention of, I did the impossible and had to take a break. Now I know that all of you, especially those in the Official Steve D. Sound Off Platoon, have come to expect me and my sound offs not to sway in the violent winds of change and disruption, but I fear that the events of last week were just...dare I say it...too much for this blessed Sound Offer (which is me: Steve D!).

You see, I was confused and dismayed about the results of the big election last that, I would assume, in my slightly-beyond-finite imagination, the rest of you also had some trouble dealing with. "How could this happen?" I asked myself (while making a delicious Steve D. approved strawberry daiquiri). "Why don't I feel like I have the energy to sound off anymore?" I followed. "Is this the end of sounding off for me, Steve D?" I screamed until I was politely asked to cease. In short: I was in a slump. A mighty Steve D.-sized slump.

But after a long weekend of introspection, inner-thinking, and personal-reflection, I decided that I could not be held back by one little meager Fawnview Heights Home Owner's Association Committee election. Prudence Matherly be damned! Father Allowan, I curse you! Douglas Minouette, I will sound off on you any day! Hear this! And that goes for the rest of the voting members of the Fawnview Heights Home Owner's Associate Committee! You may have temporarily weakened my sounding off strengths, but now they are back, twice as powerful as before! Prepare yourselves for an onslaught of sound offs like none you've ever read before!

So now you know the straight truth, Steve D. readers! Down, but certainly not out! And ready (in my next column) to take on the world around me, perhaps even beyond the Fawnview Heights Home Owner's Association's stench-laden grounds!

- Steve D.

Addendum:

Before I go, I must tell you that last week's column was written by a fraud, most likely working for A.S.O.U.P. ("Association of Sounded Off-Upon Peoples"). I have Steve D.-approved evidence that shows that Leonard P., if that's his real name (and I'm nearly positive it is), owns a rabbit. Clearly, anyone who owns a rabbit is too cutesy to really be capable of sounding off properly! Only those pure in Sound Off Spirit! ("S.O.S!") Like me: Steve D!