September 13, 2004

Today is the day to develop an interesting disease.

Need something to do this Wednesday, Chicagoans?

Dr. Luv needs some nice, clean relationship and love-themed questions so my parents don't get mad about all the sex questions. Send her your love query. She wants to flex her muscles in the relationship department.

Why Does the Raising of P. Diddy's Kid Cost $35,000 a Month?

$200 a week: Personal umbrella-holder midget

$300 a week: Bribery to school bullies to not beat up due to relation to P. Diddy

$1000 a month: Puppy entourage

$50 a month: Headgear

$100 a month: Pizza Parties

$800 a month: Cristal-brand Apple Juice

$300 a month: Maintenance of special mini "Silver Spoons"-like train.

$10,000 a month: tutoring for playa-hata degree

$12,000 a month:

$50 a month: pop-tarts

$200 a month: for tipping various humiliated servants

$10,000 presents for mommy