August 23,
2004
Today is the day to act mad and hope somebody notices.
Did you ever read the Laurence Krauser book Lemon? Here it is, adapted for music video.
Luvvie Smalls can handle it: send her your romantic questions.
Being the human you are, living in this modern world, you are probably suffering from at least 30 different diseases and don't know it. Unfortunately, what with the cost and the insurance and the gas to get to the pharmacy and whatnot, medication is expensive. Thus, I have compiled a list of helpful natural remedies to cure your ailments. These are not yet FDA approved, but please send me $30 anyway.
Rock: Helps insomnia. If you are having difficulty sleeping, apply firm, quick bursts of pressure to your head.
Dirt. If you are suffering from lockjaw due to striding across your floor, which happens to be strewn with rusty nails, a generous coating of soil on the ground will at least help prevent additional puncture wounds.
The Cocoa Bean: If distilled carefully and taken regularly, can control bitchiness.
Animals: If you can't make it to the grocery store, in a pinch, they will make a healthful snack.
Alcohol: If taken while staring at a healing crystal while praying to the goddess, can aid shyness and lack of vomiting.
Slap in the face: A good, wholesome, interpersonal 'hands on' cure for crybabyness and sissyism.