June 29,
2004
Today is the day to use a weird adjective to describe something mundane.
I know that Dear Zulk runs tomorrow, but I have a question for you. What is the proper response when it's sleeping-with-the-window-open weather and somebody on your street decides it's cute to make a lot of noise at 4 a.m., namely screaming and/or howling like a dog? Can you do anything? Screaming "Shut up!" seems crass, posting a "Dear Late Night Noisemaker" Missed Connection on Craig's List is too passive. Or do I just have to put up with it? Write Dear Zulk and tell her what to do. Or ask her a question for tomorrow.
Guest Listmaker: Melissa Bell
Recently someone I know attended a "Luau for Lupus Research" and I got to wondering - which came first? The cause or the theme? Won't you please give generously? [Editor's note: the author posted an apologetic note here in case any readers are offended but you can take it up with me if that is the case.]
Hep Cats for Hep C!
Get jaunty with jaundice! It's berets and barium for this bilious bongo-bangin'
blowout!
Shindig for Shingles!
Got a tingling for some mingling? You'll "scale" new heights at
this one! Feverishly festering festivities for all!
"Buboes, Bangles, Bright Shiny Beads (of Sweat)"
Black plague! Black tie!
Stars for SARS
A masked ball (only masks MSA-N95-Rated recommended).
Wingding for Ringworm!
Another in our "Parasites on Parade" series, it's great big bash
for a big-ass rash!
Picnic for Pica
A fabulous al fresco feast of non-food items awaits you! Chef's special menu
includes crispy burnt matches, succulent handfuls of wet sand, and warm dryer
lint garnished with old cigarette butts and freshly cut human hair! Wowza!
Clambake for Chlamydia
"Dig" this! A little Elvis, and lots of pelvis! Be sure to bring
your sunblock! (And other forms of protection!)
Karaoke for Kabuki Make-Up Syndrome
Masaka, you say? Honest to Buddha, this is a real*thing! Come do some kooky
kamikaze jukebox jivin' and help us figure out another name for this disease
so it doesn't sound so*well, goofy, when we try to get you to open your wallet.
Disco for Dyslexia
Revile the '07s and lest praty like it's 1666!