January
28, 2004
Today is the day to use the studfinder.
I review the loneliest thing in the world on the Black Table today.
Rank: The Democratic Party Presidential Candidates (By Looks)
- Howard Dean. This guy was really good looking when he was young. In fact, his whole family was good looking. If I were him, I would run pictures of myself from 20 years ago in my campaign ads. Downside: Could a guy with a smile that tiny get out a yell that loud?
- John Edwards. Nothing terribly objectionable here, but he has sort of a Dan Quayle/Pat Sajak thing going on that is keeping me away. Downside: Even though he's not bad looking and he has a good, strong name, he still just has the air of dork about him.
- John Kerry. Sure, he's Presidential, but I've got two words for you: Guy Smiley. Downside: What's with that loaf of hair?
- Wesley Clark. He's ok. His hair looks like it has potential to develop its own personality, though, should it get away from his strict military rule. Downside: He kind of reminds me of the guy from M*A*S*H*.
- Al Sharpton. I will say this for him, he has improved his look by far over the last few years. And you know what they say about men with more personality being more attactive? Mmm-hmm. Downside: Probably will never love any woman as much as he loves his hair
- Joseph Lieberman. Ah. Well. Joe does have one thing working for him, and it's that he sort of looks kind of like George Washington, our first President. Downside: He makes the other candidates look really, really hot.
- Dennis Kucinich: I totally forgot about this guy until somebody reminded me several hours after I wrote this. Maybe it's for the best.
