December
1, 2003
Rabbit rabbit.
If you've been intending to start a diet lately, then today is obviously the day to do so. Why? Because it's both a Monday and the first day of the month. And to boot, this marks exactly 31 days before New Years.
For those of you who are not chronically obsessive compulsive dieters, this may require some explanation. And I'm telling you this because it's something I heard. I don't really care for food and I tend to exercise to the point of exhaustion.
But at any rate, it's very important to start on the first of the month. Why is that? So handily, when your diet is going swimmingly and you're excited by making the change of your life, thrilled with the fact that you feel so much better about eating less and not wasting your life indulging in hearty pastas and sweet chocolate, you can think to yourself, "Are you serious? It's only December 3? I've only been doing this for two days?" And then you can screech and calmly drink eight Slim Fast milkshakes.
Why a Monday? Well, you're insane if you're going to start a diet on a Friday, Saturday or Sunday. That's when you get to drink and eat and it doesn't count. Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday don't work because you have to actually have one day where you're actively not dieting followed by an identical work day where you are. And you might as well go about trying to change your genes. Monday is one of those good start-over days, although you realize halfway through that you don't absolutely need a snack in the middle of a Saturday the way you do on a weekday.
Why is it important to start a diet during a good month? Because there are some times when you just don't care if you're a little fat. Like November. No one cares; you're breaking out the cute cozy sweaters and getting ready for Thanksgiving. Or March. If you live where I do, this month is part of winter that somehow got the incorrect label of being spring, and spring breaks where you flit off to warm locations to imbibe tropical drinks out of comically large containers are a distant memory. But New Year's is usually a good reason to put some effort into your look, as one usually has some sort of event to look decent for. Or, not, in which case you are off the hook until January 1, although that falls on a Thursday, so maybe you should just wait a few more months. Unless the Monday you pick is snowy or rainy, because, well, that's just ridiculous. It's snowing, and you're eating a salad? What's wrong with you?
At any rate, happy dieting!