July
18,
2003
Today is the day to go to the grocery story hungry.
Excellent news. I finally bought a fast, shiny, and most importantly, NON-LAPTOP computer, with which to fix up the site. ItÃs only a matter of waiting for it to arrive. Assuming the good people at Dell donÃt get it to me this weekend, IÃm going to continue relying on you next week to help me with the site. Next week IÃm declaring ìReal Conversations Week,î so keep your ears open for those strange snippets of conversation that are worth repeating. For instance, on the bus yesterday, during rush hour, during a huge thunderstorm:
LOVABLY GROUCHY BUS DRIVER LADY: More people better not be trying to get on this damn bus. WEIRD, CHIPPER WOMAN: Now remember! You chose this profession! LGBDL: No, I didnÃt. Now letÃs finish off with some truly terrible poetry. Thanks very much to all my contributors. Hopefully youÃll get those poems published in Highlights one day.From Leonard Pierce:
ìOh America!î
Oh America!
Home of me.
How God has blessed thee!
God may have blessed some other countries;
I wouldn't know anything about that
But clearly you are blessed the most!
Oh America!
Home of me.
Your ladies are super fine!
I have heard that other nations have super fine ladies
Who wear all manner of fancy bikinis
But it's hard to believe that they could be as fine as
AMERICA'S!
Oh America!
Home of me.
I'd like some money!
Other places have different money,
Like leks and dinars and lira.
What's that all about? American dollars are better!
Oh America!
Home of me.
ROCKIN'!
From Tyson Tune:
îJames Frey Prosetry:î
I stare and I read and people type, type, type around
me. It is early and I am tired and everyone is tired and the whole world is
tired and I laugh outloud because I thought it was funny and people don't
have a good since of humor about the joy of being a woman. People are staring
at me at my laughter and I want to kill people motherfuck. This is a comment
I made over at kbanas.com, but I think it works as a poem when I change "addiction"
to "joy of being a woman".
From John Thompson:
îUntitledî
Being a woman is
something I have not felt
but I have felt a woman
and it felt great
Wait, felt and great
they don't rhyme
I tried to think
but don't have the time
there we go
now I'm a poet
true to heart
we'll never part
oh, did i mess it up?
and who is we?
I'm included for sure
but who is she?
good god I suck
good god I suck
but I like to _____
fill in the blank
the answer is swim
From Kim Bosch: ìAs A Woman I Feelî
As a Woman I Feel
and from my vagina sprung
and from my vagina sprung
the cats meow
. the soft wisper from
my
lovers
lips.
and never again did I wear
a pantyliner.
FREEDOM HOME!
From Brooke Weinstein: ìUntitledî
Even though I live in Berkeley,
California, now
I am still not a feminist
I want to read Cosmo magazine
and Jane, too
and not give everyone free sight of my breasts
Which are only for men who earn them
Who open doors for me
And pay my bills
so I can have a horse
and travel a lot on my own
and often with my sister
and have amazing sex with
Countless, gorgeous, foreign men
Who will ravage me under coconut trees
and also see my breasts
But for a different purpose
and to a Different End.
ìULULATOR
By somebody whose name I donÃt know but whose email is kismet@riotous.net
in case you want to congratulate her on a job well done.
"this is a poem meant to be sung. i think it has a countriness
about it but christina aguilera would look real hot singing it while rubbing
on her crotch. "
bought myself a lucky shoe or two
and washed my lucky underwear too
pulled up anchor and set sail for livin
left my ten kids with jeremy piven
gimme gimme gimme some percocet
ritalin and bombay gin
say my name in mandarin oooh
what a shit-filled ride it's been
found my dream in a bottle of beam
smashed the glass and watched the waitress scream
if the man asks which way did i go
say i went to indiana and i took his ho
gimme gimme gimme some percocet
ritalin and bombay gin
say my name in mandarin oooh
what a shit-filled ride it's been
i've been down down down this road before
and i knick knacked knocked on the devil's door
my sooty shoes were full of the sandman
and i kicked his ass again
gimme gimme gimme some percocet
ritalin and bombay gin
say my name in mandarin oooh
what a shit-filled ride it's been
(repeat)
(ululate)
(spit)