May 1 , 2003

Rabbit rabbit. Also, please wish a happy birthday to one of my oldest friends in the world, Ms. Nora Geraghty. Be sure to use the word 'geezer' in your missive.

I've started a new writing class, and our first assignment for last week was to sit in a location where we spend a lot of time and record actual dialogue and activities and use them in a scene. Unfortunately, I don't spend much time anywhere outside my apartment these days, so I had to force myself to go to this picturesque little park near my abode.

Apparently, I am the only person in this park who knows where this park exists, because pretty much nobody wandered by or had a seat or stopped to play on the swingset while I was there. Maybe it's the balmy 40° springtime weather in Chicago.

You can only write so much about a park that nobody goes to. So I pretended instead that the park was festooned with pigeons. Which it's not. But it'll be our little secret.

Park Life

Two guys in grey turtlenecks are talking to each other in a park, bobbing their heads and speaking in Bronx accents.

DOUG
So then this one broad is being all nice to me, talking to me all quiet and shit, and I’m like, “Yeah, I got what you want,” and I come over.

SAM
And?

DOUG
And she throws a handful of breadcrumbs at me!

SAM
Score!

They high-five.

SAM (cont’d)
So what’d you do?

DOUG
This bitch thought I was going to hang around afterwards, and then I was all, “I don’t think so,” and I walked away.

SAM
Awesome!

They bob their heads in thought for a minute.

SAM (cont’d)
So did I tell you about this punk yesterday?

DOUG
No!

SAM
This kid, like five years old, decides to start chasing me down the street.

DOUG
Man, I hate fucking kids.

SAM
Me too. So this little son of a bitch would run up to me and sort of kick at me.

DOUG
So what happened?

SAM
It was so smooth! I’d, you know, fly away about three feet or so, but then I’d land again. I drove that kid fucking insane!

DOUG
‘Oooh, oooh, I’m so scared. Oh wait a minute...no I’m not, sucker!”

An attractive woman walks by.

DOUG (BOBBING HIS HEAD VIGOROUSLY)
Hey lady.

SAM (BOBBING TOO)
Hey.

DOUG
Hey there.

SAM
Hey, what’s up.

DOUG
Got any see for us pretty lady?

SAM
Lady?

WOMAN (DISGUSTED)
Ecch. Get away from me, you rats with wings.

She leaves. Sam and Doug are shocked by this slur, gasp, and put their hands to their mouths for a moment. They regain their composure and look at each other for a moment, bobbing their heads some more.

DOUG
Wanna go crap on her car?

SAM
Yo!

They exit, bobbing their heads.