April 28, 2003

Today is the day to shriek and run away.

Dr. Hot Pants is in, and she has new updates in addition to answer questions. Behold:

I did my first prostate exam yesterday! I thought I would have a lot of gross stories about it but I really don't. I mean, it was kind of disgusting, but I put like five lube packages on my finger so it hardly even knew what it was doing, and then it was over in just a few seconds. For a little while after I felt like I had to keep my right hand separated from the rest of my body, but then I washed it a thousand times and had a few drinks and felt much better. I mean, at least I was on the giving and not the receiving end. I have to say that I don't really buy into those articles in Cosmo where they say that's what every man secretly wants you to do to him...but on the other hand this guy had it done five times in a row and didn't seem to mind too much....

Got a question for the doctor? Email me with the subject line reading Hot Pants and she will get back to you, provided that she is not on the giving end at the moment.

Ask Dr. Hot Pants: Issue #3

Dear Dr. Hot Pants,

I enjoy taking other people's prescription drugs for fun. I recently came across a bottle of a drug called "Compazine." I looked it up and it is apparently used to treat nausea as well as psychosis. What happens if I take this recreationally?

-Probably Pretty Dumb

Actually, most antipsychotics (at least the typical ones) are anti-emetics that are also good for nausea, because they block dopamine. Excess dopamine (really a dopamine imbalance) causes positive psychotic symptoms and also stimulates the chemoreceptor trigger zone in your brain, which leads to nausea and vomiting. If you took it when it wasn't prescribed, I'm not sure what it would do! Depleting dopamine too much could lead to parkinsonian symptoms, in theory. It definitely wouldn't make you high at all-- depleting dopamine is actually the opposite of getting high! I don't know for sure, though.

Dear Dr. Hot Pants,

Why do your eyes leak when you're lying down?

-Blinky

I am thinking gravity is to blame. When you are lying down at night, the secretions tend to pool in the corners of your eyes making them run. Again, I could just be making that up!

If this doctor is so hot, can I get her number?!

-A.P.

Sure you can have my number. That is, if you can figure it out. Let's consider the possibilities! In the first digit of my area code, there are 8 possible digits (to make it easier for you I can tell you that zero and one are not possible). In the second and third digits there are 10 possibilities (0-9) for each. If you do the math, you will se that there are only 7,992,000,000 possible combinations of 10 digits that could be my phone number. If you work fast, who knows what you could find? Happy hunting!

--Dr. Hot Pants