March 5, 2003

Today is the day to get something put on your forehead, even if you're not Catholic.

38

Meredith's Labrador was being kept out of the kitchen thanks to a little plastic gate that a parent would use to corral children away from staircases and other dangerous areas. Chooklie (named by one of the children, of course), scratched and whined at the gate, emitting pitiful barks from time to time, expressing his desire to properly sniff George's crotch.

George would have been smug about the dog's unhappiness if he didn't have to trade the dog's attentions for those of his niece and nephews. Meredith had had her children quickly, in order to minimize maternity leave. They were actually fairly tolerable, well-behaved children, only saddled with a tendency towards stickiness, curiosity and unfortunate names. Not that George cared which was which, but with the androgynal names Carlin, Payton and O'Connor, he wouldn't be able to remember which name belonged to who anyway. They were six, seven and eight years old and all looked the same: solemn, large-eyed and cute to those who find children endearing.

"Are you Uncle George?" one asked.

"No, I'm just George."

"Just George?"

"George."

"Why are you here?"

"To see your mother."

"Are you her brother?"

"Yes."

"Are you related to Tom?"

George sighed. Children were so stupid. "Yes, he's my brother too. That's how it works."

"Oh."

"Are you a writer?"

"Yes."

"Are you an asshole?"

"Where did you hear that word?"

The child's eyes widened in fear and the other two turned towards him, slightly threatening.

"Only ignorant people would say that."

The three children nodded.

"Do you eat a lot?"

"Yes."

"Do you have a Game Cube?"

"Yes."

"Really?"

"No."

"For real?"

"No."

"What?"

"Yes, I have a Game Cube."

"What games?"

"I don't know, I don't use it."

"Why?"

"It's a stupid game for weak-minded people."

"Why do you have it?"

"I don't remember."

"What's your favorite flavor?"

"Excuse me?"

"Mine's green."

"Green is not a flavor."

"Is too."

"Is not."

"Oh, okay."

The four of them stood in an uncomfortable silence.

"Where's your mother?" George asked.

"I dunno," said one kid.

"We'll go find her," said another, and the three of them ran out, much to everybody's relief.