Today is the day to do penance.

Note: Today's Zulkey.com is a special holiday one, and it may take a few moments for all the image (yes, images), to load.Thank you for your patience.

Last week, I gave you a glimpse into the Zulkey family Christmas traditions (and still ask that you send me yours, please)

Today, though, I'm going to share with you one of my own Christmas traditions. You see, we have this nice pewter Nativity scene in our living room:

The best part about it, though, is that the Baby Jesus, who fits so nicely into his manger, like this...:

Also comes out of the manger, like so:

Anyway, every year, as far as I can remember, I've played a game with myself called:

WHERE DOES BABY JESUS FIT?

The rules are simple. Take the Baby Jesus out of the manger, and see how the different characters of the scene rank as substitute holders of the Babe. They are judged on a 4-point scale, with one point each for:

1-Looking natural
2-Looking comfortable (for babe and holder)
3-Is a good physical fit (i.e. the manger is ergonomically designed to hold the form of the child.)
4-Makes sense in historical context.

The goal, of course, is to see if any of the characters equal or beat the manger in these categories.

So let's begin with the most natural first choice, Jesus' mother Mary:

Strangely enough, this doesn't work that well. While it makes sense in context, and technically the Jesus fits solidly in the crook of Mary's arms, it simply doesn't look natural, and I don't believe that Mary would normally hold Jesus against her neck. Score: 2.

So, next, we go to Jesus' adoptive earthly father, Joseph:

This actually looks pretty good. It looks natural, like Joseph is happily holding the Baby to his face, plausibly to enjoy that new Holy Baby smell. It looks rather comfortable, too, although I'd take a half a point off for Joseph continuing to carry the staff. It is a good fit, though, too, and it makes sense in context as well. I give this a thumbs up. Score: 3.5.

Next come the Three Kings. Let's start with the King who carries gold:

Well, this doesn't look so good. The King is holding the Child in a precarious manner reminiscent of Michael Jackson. It doesn't look comfortable at all. It was however, not a bad fit, but unfortunately, it does not make much sense in context.
Score: 1.

Let's move on to Frankincense:

This, unfortunately, isn't much better. It looks neither natural nor comfortable, as if the Baby is trying to bite the King's face off and he's avoiding it as politely as he can. Actually, never mind, it looks a little natural. I have known babies who have been prone to such behavior. On the other hand, I had to balance this very carefully, so it's not a good fit, plus, again, not a good context. Score: 1.

Finally, Myrrh:

Looks like Jesus has a thing for attacking this guy's face as well. And what is with these people's refusal to put down their props when they're carrying Jesus? Don't they know that this is the King of Kings? Score: 2.

Let's move on to the animals, shall we?

Here is the Ass:

Well, you know how babies love animals, and how animals hate babies, so this actually looks a bit natural. However, it doesn't look comfortable for anybody, especially the Ass, who looks rather perturbed. It wasn't really a good fit, though, either, as the Jesus was about to slide off. This also makes no sense in context. Score: 1.

And now, the Ox:

This is terrible. This doesn't look natural, nor comfortable (the Jesus wouldn't stay on the ox's back without falling off), it is not a good fit and it makes no sense in context. The only redeeming quality is that Jesus at least looks like he's having fun. Score: .5

Finally, our last character, the shepherd:

Undoubtedly, this is the worst. First of all, this shepherd is obviously a charlatan, as he has no sheep, no staff, and is playing the bagpipes, which I don't really recall learning in Sunday School that they were a popular instrument in Bethlehem. This looks wholly unnatural, as the Son of God is lying on the floor at his feet. It doesn't look comfortable for anybody but this damned shepherd who, the more I think about it, is probably a drunkard, just merrily playing his stupid, historically inaccurate bagpipes. It's not a good fit, as the shepherd wasn't even kind enough to let the Baby lean up against his legs. And, as reiterated above, it makes absolutely no sense in context. Score: 0.

So, once again, as is proven time and time again, Baby Jesus belongs in his manger:

Winner, and undefeated champion, once again! Boo yah!

And isn't that what Christmas is all about?