November 7, 2002

Today is the day to play the fuzz base.

Tuesday I talked about being sick. So I'm sick this week. I'm going to write more about being sick, ok?

Luckily for me, I have been a very robust person my entire life (knock on proverbial wood.) My brushes with interesting illnesses and the hospital have been few and far between. So few and far between that I'll write about them (at least, the ones that I remember, "that I remember," of course, meaning, "not too embarrassing.")

1994-Mono: So, I think I got this one sophomore year of high school, when a a friend of mine who was getting over strep throat took a swig from my Snapple bottle. After a few weeks, I was feeling kind of under the weather, but then, suddenly one evening, I felt just horrible, like somebody had just kicked my butt. I was really sick for a few days, apparently requesting that my mom "kill me." But maybe it was because she kept making my favorite foods and I couldn't eat them with the sorest throat I ever had. Oh, and at one point, my throat was so coated with yucky stuff that I was bent over the toilet, retching, one evening and my brother yelled at me to "shut up." Happy epilogue: I was only out of school for a few days (I had a pretty mild case) and I got to use the elevator key at the high school, because the God knows I was too ill to climb to the third floor.

1995- The Bee Sting: My Dad is allergic to bee stings, and I had heard how painful they can be, and so I lived for sixteen years fearful of, but still safe from bee stings. That all ended one summer afternoon as I rollerbladed along the lakefront. I heard a buzzing in my ear and felt a slight sting right below my earlobe. It occurred to me that it could have been a bee sting, but it didn't seem to hurt as much as I would have thought, so I continued skating for about a half hour or so. I returned home and felt itchy on my face. My mom supposed that it was from the heat, and recommended that I take a shower, so I did, but when I lifted up my shirt, I saw that I had a rash all over my body. I jumped into the shower, but had to leave with shampoo in my hair (a theme this week) when my eyelids and lips began to swell. I was taken to the ER, given Benedryl and a chilly IV in my left hand (hand! the top of my hand!) My mom and I decided to leave after my doctor recommended that if I ever want to fall asleep quickly, just pop three or four Benedryl. Happy epilogue: I was supposed to go out with some friends that night, and I did! Aaaand, one of those friends is Tracy Lyons. And the other is the same girl from whom I *might* have contracted mono! (If you're reading, hi, Bonnie!)

1996-Whooping Cough: My mom doesn't remember this, and maybe it's because she's jealous that I had such an exotic disease, but one time in high school I had a really bad cough+. Yes, when I coughed, it was followed up by an uncontrollable spasms and, indeed, whooping noises. I went to the doctor's, who told me that I probably had this dinosaur, and he gave me some antibiotics. (At least, I'm pretty sure it was for whooping cough, unless it was for rubella, or the mumps, or maybe he told me I needed an iron lung.) It wasn't that big a deal. Happy epilogue: That year, it was very en vogue to call people "Buster Mc___", the "____" rhyming with "Mc." If you were a jerk, you were "Buster McDick," and if you were a snarky girl, you were "Buster McTrick." I got to be "Buster McSick."

New Year's Morning, 2002-First Stitches: Oh, it was long ago, who can place blame? I had returned from a party and my companion suggested that we make sandwiches before going to bed. Said companion took the rest of the sliced cheese, and so I was relegated to (yes), cutting my own cheese. So I did, and I also cut my pinky finger. I received three stitches (incidentally, receiving the anaesthetic shot in my finger was more painful than cutting it in the first place). Happy epilogue: I took the stitches out myself, ten days later. I'm a badass.

2002- The Flu. Read on.