October 28, 2002
Today is the day to say "no" to Daylight Savings Time.
Hey, if you're interested in seeing where my Second City writing classes take me, check out a little piece that I've got at Haypenny. It's much more fun if you read it out loud. If you don't read it out loud, there is a $5 penalty.
An important day in any girl's life is the one where her mother passes her makeup line down to her. This means that whether her mom uses Maybelline, Chanel or Estee Lauder, that's what daughter begins with as well.
My mom handed Clinique down to me, and I still use it. Clinique is known, to you who don't know it, as a fairly straightforward, no-frills makeup line, trademarked by pink and green packaging, clear and white coloring at the counter, and clean, model-free closeup ads photographed by the great Irving Penn. For your basics, you go to Clinique; for your glitter, or maybe your pumpkin-pie-scented body wash, you go elsewhere.
Another trademark of Clinique, and maybe their best one, is known as Bonus Time. Bonus Time is an event that occurs every month or two where women swarm the Clinique counter in order to spend a minimum amount of money in order to receive a free gift.
My first memories of Clinique bonuses are pretty basic. A small bottle of facial moisturizer, maybe a comb and a lipstick in a cheap plastic bag.
Lately, though, Clinique bonuses are reaching unbelievable proportions of complication and cuteness. It's not unusual to receive six, seven, even ten gifts, all wrapped in a cuter-than-goddamn-hell makeup bag or purse.
Clinique has definitely been adding more and more cosmetics products to their bonuses: samples of perfume, different kinds of lotion, mascara, eye gel, exfoliants, you nme it.
However, they've been adding a lot of completely unrelated stuff as well. In the last year or two, I have received (or, my mom has received and given to me:)
-A plastic purple purse
-A matching digital wristwatch
-Makeup organizers
-Wallets
-Blotting papers
-Glasses cases
And I'm sure there are more. I'd like to know why Clinique has been throwing more and more non-makeup merchandise in their bonuses. Not that I'm complaining, of course, but I'd like to see how far this campaign will go. What will come next? A pony? A car? A handful of spaghetti with a complimentary meatball?
Clinique, I appreciate your efforts to keep me well-stocked. And, I know that other makeup lines have noticed how effective your techniques are, and they're following in your footsteps. Then, if you're out there, I recommend that you think forward to the future. Airline tickets. Passes to sporting events. Free plastic surgery. Donations to charities in our name. Free personal slaves. That sort of thing.
After all, beauty never comes cheap.