May 2, 2002

Today is the day to discover plutonium...by accident.

Introducing...

Zulkey.com Premium!

Suprisingly, Zulkey.com has not been pulling in the big bucks like I had intended. Perhaps it's because I have no advertisers or patrons. But this is soon to be solved with my new subscription service.

Soon you can enjoy all the greatness of Zulkey.com, but for a fee! This is going to be great! See, the content will not change at all, but if you want to get it anyway, you have to pay for it! Its monetary value will make it that much more valuable. Would you rather have some crappy, free Zulkey.com content or valuable, expensive Zulkey.com?

Don't be a jerk and not subscribe. I mean, who the hell do you think you are to not subscribe? If you don't subscribe, you are bound to be one of the least-educated, least-informed, sub-Hitlerish bozos on the planet. Only suckers don't subscribe. You don't want to be pitifully scrambling for imitation Zulkey.com content, do you? I mean, ha ha, would you wear knockoffs of designer clothing? I thought not.

You can be a Zulkey.com subscriber for the bargain price of only $100 a month. It will all be set up once I get my Paypal working and everything. But once you pay you will be privy to all the great Zulkiness there is, plus I will periodically congratulate you on your savviness. You will feel very proud of yourself and will look down upon those people who are not Zulkey.com subscribers.

Of course, I will tantalize you with deliciously titillating headlines. For instance, only Zulkey.com subscribers will have access to:

"The Truth about the Shroud of Turin...Only in Zulkey.com Premium."
"Osama bin Laden: The Interview...Only in Zulkey.com Premium"
"The New Story by J.D. Salinger...Only in Zulkey.com Premium."
"J.Crew's Newest Spring Colors...Only in Zulkey.com Premium."
"Hot Naked Barely Legal Horny Slutty Teens...Only in Zulkey.com Premium."

So remember, if you want to get premium Zulkey, you can only get it in Zulkey.com Premium.