April 15, 2002

Today is my birthday!

Please, give me the greatest gift of all and check out my piece on Eyeshot when you get a chance, won't you?

"Thank God for Claire Zulkey": The Claire Zulkey 23rd Birthday Spectacular Party Details

When: This evening, the evening of Claire Zulkey's birthday.
Where: Undisclosed location. If you received your engraved-chocolate invitation in the mail, then you know where to be.
Why: To honor the benefactress of Zulkey.com, the one and only Claire Zulkey, who bids adieu to 22 and the title of "22-year-old writer" and moves on to the big 2-3.
Who: You, of course. Also, many of Claire's celebrity friends, like Jude Law, Oprah Winfrey, Jeremy Irons, Dame Judi Dench, Brendan Fraser, *N Sync, Paul Konerko, Kevin Spacey, Kate Winslet, Halle Berry, Hallie Eisenberg, Barry Bostwick, Prince, Janeane Garofalo, the cast of "Friends," Elizabeth Taylor, Liza Minelli, Michael Jackson, and more, so many more!
What to bring: Dance shoes, for one. DJ's Moby, Fatboy Slim, Paul Oakenfold and DJ Croquet will be spinning all of Claire's favorite songs and you are expected to get down, followed by getting back up again.
Flowers would be nice, too. Claire likes Gerbera daisies, roses in unexpected colors, Kala lilies and pink tulips. NO CARNATIONS.
Claire has registered at Tiffany & Co., Bergdorf Goodman, Barney's and Target. She would also like to receive spa treatment gift certificates, a case of Veuve Clicquot, a cure for her dog's alcoholism-induced trembling, donations to the Make-a-Wish foundation, furnishings for her new apartment, and said new apartment. Also, a pony.
What to wear: Look fabulous, fun, and be yourself. If you look dumpy, you will be turned away. If you look better than Claire, you will be turned away. Photographers from "InStyle" magazine WILL be present! This WILL be a foam party so be sure not to wear anything that is not foam-compatible.
The attitude: Pro-Claire-Zulkey. Wish her a happy birthday, tell her that when you think "April 15," you think "Claire Zulkey's birthday," not tax day, reassure her that she even though she is a year older, her youth renders her talent practically unfathomable, and for god's sakes, don't ask her how it feels to be 23. That is her father's job. Also, don't cry about how she's turning into such a nice young adult. That is her mother's job, although she won't admit it.

This event only comes around once a year, so be sure not to miss it!

Viva Claire Zulkey!