A Christmastime personality quiz

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IMG_6334.JPGQ: Why is this snowman cool?

  1. He's wearing headphones (or maybe earmuffs that just look like headphones.)

  2. He's wearing sunglasses

  3. He's skateboarding

  4. He is holding a snowflake-shaped sign that says "Stay Cool."

  5. He's a snowman


If you chose 1:

You're a Christmas modernist. You think the Taylor Swift's version of "Last Christmas" is superior to Wham!'s and you're already looking forward to a new cover of "All I Want From Christmas Is You" by Justin Bieber's yet-to-be-conceived child. You send electronic Christmas cards containing virtual gift cards as gifts. You're the worst.

If you chose 2: You are one of those "sexy Christmas" people. If you're a man, you wear velvet slippers with no socks to parties and if you're a woman, you complain about people who wear shapeless black puffers because all you put on as outerwear is a fur vest, for braving the commute from your Uber Black to the hotel bar. You also spend Christmas on some island that most people have never even heard of, let alone can travel to. You're also the worst.

If you chose 3: You seem like a chill person 11 months of the year but you're one of those types that gets actively offended when a stranger says "happy holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas" because the intent wasn't general wishes of good tidings but a subtle message that they hate baby Jesus and want to enstate Sharia Law. You go around almost hoping people wish you "Happy holidays" so you can complain about it later on one of your private Facebook groups after you've kicked back 7/8th of a bottle of wine. You'd secretly be disappointed if Starbucks released a holiday cup that didn't chap your ass in some way or another. Incidentally you don't go to church because, ugh, church.

If you chose 4: You suspect deep down that you are fundamentally broken inside, and possibly a sociopath.

If you chose 5: You get it. Merry Christmas!