The Jennifer Aniston Interview: Finally She Says What We All Really Want to Hear

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So here is the truth. Brad begged me to have children: that was all he wanted in the world, to have children with me, his beloved beautiful wife. But I told him I would rather work than have children, and that I did not care about his feelings, and that I liked work more than children, that children were worthless compared to work, and that I didn't care about passing on his genes, at least for the time being. I drove him away with my cruel selfishness and I see now that I got what I deserved: being alone and sad.

Do I resent Angelina for stealing Brad from me? Oh yes. Of course, I deserved to have Brad stolen from me, for not being the woman he needs, but every day I resent her more and more. She is better than I am, prettier and more successful and with more children, so I want to pull her hair out. I want to kick her and punch her and kill her and maybe, also...kiss her? I don't know. All I know is, this rivalry will never die.

Do I want children now? Oh yes, so very much. But I cannot have them because I am alone and because I chose work over children before and when you do that children go away and the more you want them after you give them up the more you can't have them. Every time I touch a baby it cries because they all know I used to not-want them and they know, they know. If only I had done what I was supposed to the first time and had children I would be truly happy and successful. Instead of just being thin you could admire me for being thin after having children.

My new perfume stinks of desperation.

I am dating Jake Gyllenhaal because he temporarily satisfies the hole in my soul for both a man and a baby.

I wear black all the time because I am sad. I smoke cigarettes because I am sad. I make bad movies because I am sad. I smoke marijuana because I am sad.

I am also boring. This is a big reason why I'm not married. And the fact that I am not married makes me sad.

And I am also so hungry from dieting all the time and my face hurts from all the work I have had done on it. Is any of what I do worth it? No. Because I am sad and alone and I am nothing.

And there will be a "Friends" movie.