List: Reaons Why It Takes So Long to Write a Book

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Need to stock up on chunky cardigans and cigarettes before can really begin

It's not "for real" unless you write it in blood

Hard to find new names for the characters based on all your friends and family


Out spending the millions I made on my first book

Necessary to run plagiarism-check on each sentence after it's written

Busy thinking about what to wear during author appearance on Oprah show

Too drunk