I am sorry for putting that curse on you the other day. I put curses on everyone, but little did I know that this one would actually, you know, work. I was pretty mad at you for cutting me off in the intersection while I was crossing--I mean, I CLEARLY had the walk sign and you still drove through and called me a very bad name. I am still kind of mad about now that I think about it.
But believe you me, I did not intend to set up some sort of situation where you'd be haunted by a deformed version of me that only you can see. First, I'm embarrassed to be such a bother, but secondly, this has been taking up a lot more time than I anticipated. My boss is giving me the stinkeye for taking all these long lunches but this curse isn't going to fulfill itself, apparently. This stuff is work. Who knew?
I still think you're a big jerk but in retrospect I don't know if it was completely appropriate to damn you to the fiery pits of hell for all eternity. Maybe you were having a bad day or something.
Since you did call me the c-word though I'm not really sorry about sending that swarm of locusts flying into your mouth, or about that epic 3-day nosebleed. And you thought that keeping box of Kleenex in the car was so clever, didn't you? And if you had just been patient and let me cross the street, I wouldn't have had to send my dentures to bite you in the face. Do yo know how hard it is to find dentures if you don't technically need them, by the way? Kind of a pain.
Anyway, just drive more carefully next time. Or I vill suck your blood! Just kidding, I don't do that. I only bathe people in it.