I Am Disgusting

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Chicagoans, please see that I have updated the Funny Ha-Ha poster--originally we erroneously said on it that it was 7-9 PM this Thursday, but it's 6-8.

This weekend I used a spa gift certificate that my mom kindly gave me for Christmas. Since I'm going to be moving soon, I figured I'd use it all at one go since I'd be less likely to go to this place once I live further away from it, so I indulged in a two-hour massage.

One of my favorite parts of a massage (or a haircut for that matter) is the head scratch at the end. However, massages tend to be oily affairs so usually when I walk out of there my hair is matted and greasy from the vigorous rubbing of oils on my scalp. I had plans to go out for dinner after said massage so I asked my masseuse if she'd mind washing her hands before she did my head, or if she minded doing it first. She didn't seem to have a problem with this, and it was nice.

My fatal mistake was in giving her the extended remix version of why I wanted to keep my head relatively clean. Sometimes on the weekends I like to see how long I can make my Friday shower last. If I'm not really doing anything special all weekend (especially if I don't go to the gym), I can easily coast until Monday on a Friday shower. We can pretend I'm doing it because I'm part of the "green" movement but sometimes a shower is just a big production I don't need to take part of on a busy Saturday or lazy Sunday. And also, it is scientifically proven than the dirtier your hair is when you shower, the better it looks afterwards.

"You know what I mean?" I said, as we walked back to the locker room.

"Oh honey," the lady said, in a way that indicated to me she couldn't wait to get away from me and my crapitude. I usually think I have a good handle on what personal habits of mine are sort of funny-quirky enough to share and which I really shouldn't but I guess I failed this time. So I will be sure not to tell anyone about this.

Incidentally a two hour massage is not twice as good as an hour, so if you have a big gift certificate to spend, maybe get a massage and then a shampoo after.