No, I Am the Punky QB

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The Chicago Bears are off to an unpromising start, which has been making my Sundays depressing. And Sundays are depressing enough (except for the fact that Dexter is on).

One of the reasons (I am told) the Bears are not doing so well is due to our lack of a good quarterback. Well, I am here to step up and volunteer for the job.

No, I'm not a very fast runner. My hand-eye coordination could be better. I cannot take a hit. I'm not good at remembering plays. And I certainly have never been very competent at throwing in a 'spiral' type shape.

But here is the thing. I'm 5'4, I'm a girl, and I'm very humble. No, I won't be so great at throwing touchdown passes, but I will have no problem handing the ball off time and time again to much more qualified people. And, with my smallness and feminine wiles, I'm sure I"ll have no problem convincing the rest of the Bears squadron to protect me from any would-be blitzers. And even if for some reason they abandoned me, I'm sure that the instantaneous sobbing that would occur the second I saw an oncoming opposing team member would guarantee that I wouldn't be taken down too frequently.

Plus, my last name does not sound like Gross-man or Greasy. So that is good at least.

See you all on Sunday when we take on Green Bay! Whee!

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