Happiness Is a Warm Gun

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I received a solicitation from a potential advertiser the other day that was surprising to me:

My name is Kyle and I am the administrator of a new and fasting growing firearms discussion forum; www.firearmstalk.com.

I am writing to you today to inquire about a link exchange between our two websites.

This is not a bulk spam message. I searched for specific websites and found your e-mail address through your website. We are being very selective on who we contact and how many links we exchange with to avoid link farming.

If you are interested please e-mail me back and let me know what description you want me to use for your website.

Here is the wording we would like for you to use:

FirearmsTalk.com - Firearms, Guns & Weapons community discussion forums. Galleries, Reviews, Articles, Links and much more.

Also feel free to join in on the discussions at our community or start a new one. We welcome new members very much!

I wasn't sure how exactly this organization had pegged me as being interested in advertising anything gun-related. So then I Googled the word "gun" on my website and was a little surprised by some of the mentions:

You don't need a gun to tell us that you love us Gun Street Girl, Tom Waits

For those who want all the exciting, felony-arrest-every-three-seconds experience, they'll gravitate to the fast districts where homicides, narcotics and gun arrests are business du jour 24/7.

Also Veronica Lake's role in "This Gun For Hire"-- she sings this awful/great song in a full fishing outfit that is so sexy.

I spend so many fucking hours with a glue gun

Gehrig did get to play a cowboy in a Western called “Rawhide,” which co-starred Smith Ballew as a singing, gun-toting attorney.

Tom Cruise (Pre Vanilla Sky, just post Top Gun):

Sure, you're nervous but you're not going to run away from the gun.

The microphone is a gun and my jokes are special demon bullets.

Cool sticks back then were assessed on the number and quality of crooks in the stick: a good solid extension on the end made it look like the handle of a gun.

We feature a T shirt in our new children's catalogue with an image of a toy gun .

She is no fun, run to the sun, grabbing a gun, now to be hung for the use of the gun after
we were all done with the fun.


Shoot a gun in the air

"top gun is sitting on the shelf right now. its gonna go back

Was playing the night I slapped my common law wife, previously unheard of until revealed yesterday on The Smoking Gun

The Smoking Gun quoted my interview with James Frey

According to the Smoking Gun, cops in New York intercepted some Columbian drug mules: "puppies who were implanted with packets of liquid heroin.

Elements that Inhibited Me From Succeeding During My Debut at the Hip-Hop Aerobics Dance Class At My Gym, Despite My Affection for the "Pulling an Imaginary Gun from Your Pants" Move

Today is the day to stick a daisy in the barrel of a gun.

A gun, remixed

Top Gun.

Like she had an overbearing father holding a gun to her head

Today is the day to decide against bringing the gun.

She's holding a shotgun as she smiles mysteriously at the camera and a rattlesnake winds its way around the bottom of the chair.

(The way Leslie Nealson loved raw sewage in "The Naked Gun.")

Um, so apparently I love guns, and I didn't even know it! (Interestingly, most of these quotes, if they didn't come from me, mostly came from other women. Also apparently "Top Gun" looms large in people's psyche.) This is going to involve some serious thought on my part. Should I buy a gun? More than one? Like one for under my bed and a little one for my purse? Do I need to get a membership in the NRA? How about those mud flaps for my car that feature Yosemite Sam saying "Back Off" with his revolvers? Should I become one of those people who fire a gun into the ground on New Year's? I have to admit I've always wanted to go to a firing range, just once, to see what it was like. Maybe it's a side of me that's coming out that I didn't know about. Claire Zulkey: gun nut. Maybe that's actually what my new golf obsession is, only my sticks are my guns and the balls are bullets and every time I get mad at a bad shot I'm "murdering" the burglar in my brain.

As for the advertiser, though, it just depends on how much, bro.

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