As promised today the winner of my mini screenwriting contest. As you may recall, the object was to finish this short film:
I'm pleased to announce that the winner is David Gianatasio, who will have this ending filmed sometime in the future, which will be shown at this space:
"The priest looks all around, throws up his hands and snarls, "THIS IS HEAVEN!?" We pause for a beat as he hangs his head in despair, then looks into the camera and spits out, "STUPID SURPRISE ENDING," drops to his hands and knees, and starts rhythmically banging his
head against the wall as we slowly fade to black.
The rhythmic banging of his head continues in utter darkness for quite a few seconds -- then suddenly stops as we HEAR a VOICE say] something but can't quite make it out.
The priest says, "WHAT? THIS IS HELL! THAT'S STILL STUPID ..."
Here were the runners up:
"It should obviously end with you copulating with the legs in some fashion."
"Direct shot on priest sitting in lazy boy recliner, fingers inserted into waist band of priestly pants. Top button of shirt undone, collar askew & sticking out. Pork rind bag open on chest with rinds strewn across self. BBQ stains noticeable down front of shirt. Mega what smile, glazed stare, lil drool dribbling down chin. Natty light in hand. Watching tele. Shot changes to direct shot of tele. 'Deep Diggin Dildos' opening credits. Enter "baum chicky baum baum" music. Shot switches to priest. Close on shot of priest shivering with delight."
" I sort of want the priest to end in a happy state of mind, but I don't know what could cheer him up (cute dog or cat or convert to be a rabbi). Or you could just have him angry forever,
but end on a note critiquing religion (even though technically the whole movie could be interpreted as a critique on religion just because he is a priest) or just a ridiculous note such as him hating himself by looking in a mirror or have him meet a bunch of other angry leaders of different faiths and have them all be angry together (and sort of act like a gang maybe). "
"He's about to just give up on everything but he's in his church and "Stayin Alive" comes on as objects in the church begin to dance and a godly ray of sunshine shines in through the ceiling. Priest appears to be, in some manner, lifted into heaven. Song dies out and in heaven we hear priest saying "too many clouds." I also had an idea that at some point in the angry montage he could hold a rosary and say, "Too many beads!""
And Mr. Gianatasio, just to cover his bases, had sent in a backup submission:
"He tosses it to the floor -- and the set breaks out in pandemonium, with everyone in the film crew leaping to snatch up the ultra-hot product. Even the camera, boom and lighting operators do so, causing their equipment to crash down into the shot - and causing the shot itself to go somewhat "sideways," as it's now being filmed via a camera on the floor.
Sudden fade to black.
Bono voiceover (from the Golden Globes): Really F-ing brilliant."
Thanks to everyone for playing and for Steve and Waki for their eternal brilliance. If you want to see more of their films just go here.