Today is the day to be the Joey Fatone in a crowd of Ryan Seacrests.

Are you going to my show tonight?

Writing intros is hard when you deal with so many talented people. What to say? Dan Kennedy is funny, prolific, and inventive. Youv'e seen him on McSweeney's and hopefully you'll be buying his sure-to-be-genius book. This short paragraph does not do him justice and for that I apologize. But you will see what I mean when you read on.

The Dan Kennedy Interview: Just Under Twenty Questions

I really like your site "Really Small Talk." How'd you come up with it?
I think I was just looking for something to do, so I kind of tried making this site with really small stories about New York. No idea really what I was doing, but now it's kind of growing into this little life of its own.

Do you get better tables at restaurants because of your last name?
It's not so much my last name. I think I get better tables at restaurants because of my nickname: 'President of Paramount Pictures'.

Tell us about Loser Goes First. What's it about?
Loser Goes First comes out September 16, 2003. If you like my stuff on McSweeney's you'll like this book I think. My editor actually just emailed me the copy for the dust jacket if you wanna look at it. Probably explains it better than me:

The story begins on Christmas morning 1978. Dan is ten years old and wants a black Gibson Les Paul guitar, the kind Peter Frampton played. It would be his passport to the coolest (only) band in the neighborhood-Jokerz. He didn't get it. Instead, his parents presented him with what they thought he wanted most, a real estate loan calculator (called The Loan Arranger), and a maroon velour pullover shirt with a tan stripe across the chest. It was the first of what would become a lifetime of various sized failures, misunderstandings, hilarious humiliations, and just plain silly choices that have dogged this "hipster Proust of youthful loserdom," as author Jerry Stahl has so eloquently called Mr. Kennedy. As the rest of his life unfolds, a few lessons are learned and we are treated to a hilarious and unsentimental memoir.

Tell us how you went about pitching the book and getting it pitched.
I really had no idea what the fuck I was doing, as usual. But I did some gigs in New York where I was telling stories or reading stuff. And one of those was at a thing called Stories at The Moth. And I met another writer who was on the bill that night, Joshua Wolf Shenk. We ended up becoming friends and he introduced me to my agent. So, the internet stuff like McSweeney's lead to gigs, and that lead to meeting people, which lead to writing a book.

What about all the other books you're going to publish, like the ones you claim to be publishing in your Pindeldyboz bios?
Those are old bios. The only book I have coming out is Loser Goes First. There was this book called Pout and Grind which was just one of those things you work on off and on for a couple of years and then realize will never see the light of day. It's in a weird pile of boxes in my back room. Then with this book there was a title change on this book- it was originally called it Evidently I Know Everything while I was writing it, but the book ended up not really fitting into the working title. So, over Thanksgiving I was playing cards with my sister and some friends in New York and I had maybe lost thirteen or seventy hands in a row and then My friend Billy's girlfriend goes, "Loser goes first!" And all of a sudden I was so happy. I realized that was the sweetest sounding phrase I had ever heard.

Tell us about your attempts to be a famous singer/songwriter.
Oh, god. Basically I can tell you this: if you've never written any songs, and you have never sang…don't go to Texas to try and make it as a singer songwriter.

Jerry Stahl says that you're "The hipster Proust of youthful loserdom." What does that mean?
I met Jerry Stahl a couple of years ago when we were both on a bill at Luna Lounge and we ended up going to dinner and he's been incredibly cool and supportive. But what he means in that quote is…that uh, I'm the, um…hipster…thing of, uh…what you said a second ago.

What was a favorite story of yours that's based on something that actually happened to you?
I guess a favorite part of the part of the book for me is where the high school graduation is happening. And the fact that I still remember how it felt like such a lie. The way the faculty speakers lumped us in with astronauts and civil rights leaders and advances in medicine on graduation day - but, like, at any point in the weeks prior were telling us one day we would all be sorry for not paying more attention because we would be these unfocused mutants who couldn't balance checkbooks. Like we would just be 40 years old someday and drooling and staring at our unbalanced checkbooks and stewing in regret - but then as suddenly as June… "You people are a very important part of the future. You ARE the future. You are going to do incredible things. Things you can't even imagine."

What's one place that you really want to be published but haven't yet?
I don't know. I kind of really don't care. I hate sitting around wanting something that I have no idea if I'm supposed to get. I'm really attracted to any place that rejects me, though. The first time I asked my girlfriend out she totally rejected me and I was just like, "Yeah! She rocks! She totally sees right through me!" Then I just sat around for a few months by myself quietly agreeing with her decision and one day she got my number and called me out of the blue and was telling me how we should do something sometime. And I was like, "Yeah…you're the girl from the party who totally shut me down…are you…in town? Because…maybe we….LET'S GO TO DINNER TONIGHT! YOU ROCK!"

You've performed at readings. I'm performing at a reading in a few weeks [that actually occurred last night and, may I say, kicked serious ass]. Based on your experience, what do you recommend to a reader to make the process as painless as possible? What kind of thing to read? To practice? What to wear? What to drink?
Well, make it painless by considering this before you read: You get to be up on a stage, read some stuff, people listen to you, and then afterward they're kind enough to introduce themselves to you and bullshit with you or joke around. There's no pain in that.

What is humor to you? Absurdity? Tragedy? Satire? Clash of context?
I actually have a simple equation: Humor is pain plus time, plus debt, plus lust, plus hunger, plus humility, plus a fear of time passing you by, plus God, plus money, plus regret, plus loss, plus more time plus…Damnitt...I forget the last thing you need.

Here's question on humor courtesy. How do you respond when you tell a fairly unassuming joke (i.e. not racist, homophobic, etc), and somebody responds, "That's not funny." Do you defend it or just say you're sorry?
Well…if it's s person you want to date you just go, "I know…that wasn't very funny. I don't know why I'm like that around those guys. I guess because that's the only side I ever show anybody. I…guess…I just feel like…that's all people like me for. The only reason anyone gets close to me is for my joking, which I don't even think is that funny. Well, that or my money. GOD! SOMETIMES I WISH I DIDN'T TELL STUPID JOKES AND HAVE A TON OF MONEY! I'M NEVER GOING TO GET TO KNOW ANYONE!"

Then the person usually totally goes, "Oh, don't listen to me. I wouldn't know what's funny. I…I actually kind of…I guess I just get envious because you get so much attention with your joking. And…and I want you to notice ME."

Then you start making out.

Who are your favorite comedians or humor writers?
Woody Allen, Steve Martin, Norm MacDonald, The writers at The Onion.

You've been compared to writers like David Sedaris and Nick Hornby, authors who appear on talk shows and have films made of their books. What do you think about authors as celebrity? If you were to become a celebwriter, what would you hope to do? Write movies? Start a foundation? More books?
One time somebody asked Bill Murray what he thought of fame and fortune and he said that the fortune part is great. I think being a really successful writer is probably as close as you can come to getting the fortune part without the fame part. I mean, people aren't showing up at a Nick Hornby gig at Barnes and Noble dressed like Nick Hornby and trying to tear a piece of his shirt off to sell on eBay. Any other kind of celebrity breeds that kind of thing, but writers are still writers even at their biggest chart topping success. Big writers make serious money and sell a lot of books and movies and all of that, but so far nobody's dancing around in a Pepsi commercial and then bitching about not being able to go the grocery store without a body guard. I think big literary success and still having a decent amount of anonymity is really attractive.

I think at age seventeen I was like, "Yeah…I want people to be rooting through my trash and trying to follow me around town." But at age 35, I think that the cool part of fame isn't being chased like a Beatle in Japan. The cool part would have to be being able to do what you love and have people who enjoy it and support it. And traveling the world staying in nice hotels. Oh, and the thing where you make people bring you Evian and cocaine. And then screaming at them, like, "You idiot! This is chilled!" and you start totally crying and like, threatening to commit suicide…and then your manager asks you what's wrong and you just point to the person who fucked up your water order….your manager totally fires them. That's the magic part of all of this, right there.

What's the last thing you've read, heard or seen that made you laugh out loud?
"At the NYC Parks and Rec Pool and Weight Room" By Erik Bowie on ReallySmallTalk.com

Why do you think that in the last few years, the list has gained a lot more exposure as a form of humor?
Letterman's Top Ten broadcasted nightly since 1987.

You've written an awful lot of funny stuff for McSweeney's. Does it seem like they publish less humor than they used to? And if so, why do you think that is?
I've never been able to figure out McSweeney's, really. I think so much of my stuff is there basically because I've sent them at least a couple hundred things over the last few years. And then maybe just as many submissions to their letters page. Out of, say, two hundred they've probably picked up nineteen or twenty pieces. I cracked the law of averages, not so much their editorial code.

How does it feel to be the 62nd person interviewed for Zulkey.com?
Awesome.