First of all, I've been back to publishing on Mom.me this month. Here is a piece called I Sent My Newborn to the Hospital Nursery and I'd Do It Again, another called 6 Reasons It's Easier to Go From One to Two Kids and one more called The One Thing I'll Never Do Again on Facebook.

A friend asked me the other day how my kids are doing, and that "Your writing makes it sound like unicorns and rainbows this time." Does it really? I thought. Because I don't feel that way.

Everything has two very extreme sides right now. Regarding the newborn, at times I want to snuggle him close, I feel guilty that I don't spend more time gazing into his eyes and cherishing (DON'T FORGET TO CHERISH) these moments and at others, like this second, I just want to stick a pacifier in his gob and get him to shut up so I can finish this one thing.

Regarding leave, I want to get more done, use this time to be productive and creative. I also regret that I'm not doing less: I keep meaning to watch more TV, to lie in bed and read more magazines. Either way I hate how much time it takes to live in a house and keep it clean at the same time.

Regarding my body, I want to lose the weight fast and get back to feeling fit and healthy and alive the way I did...at some point in my life, I'm sure that's a thing that happened once. But on the other hand, it's summer, and I should be gentle to myself. I should eat things that are easy (within reason) and not be afraid to treat myself.

Regarding Paul (who is almost 3), I want to spend lots of quality one-on-one time with him. I want to play with him and him to know I love him and am there to listen to him. But on the other hand, he wears me the f out and sometimes I just want to let him play and to just let me be the tired old woman I feel sometimes.

What is unicorns and rainbows? Definitely how much better I feel than last time. I am beyond thrilled that I feel so much more capable than before. It's the way you feel right after you've recovered from a sinus infection and think "So this is what it's like to be able to breathe through your nose." But even in that case you're still a little bit boogery and run down. But still better.

So, unicorns and rainbows? Maybe more like a zebra and a gasoline puddle. But I'll still take it.