On Twitter Friday night I noticed a situation where somebody made an error online/in print that many people interpreted as a sign of racism. It's since been resolved but I followed it closely because I know both the person who was the target of the error and the person who made it, and I know it was chagrining for both people. I initially piled on the person who made the mistake until I realized how easily it could have been me--or actually was me, in the second of these two scenarios where I said something racist and had no idea I was being racist:

1. When I was in maybe fourth grade or so an Australian family moved next door. They had two daughters, both of whom were a little bit older than me, and I worshiped them, both for their cool-olderness and their cool-Aussieness. I wanted to be like them in every way (they were the ones who first introduced me to Will Smith, and his reflections on what parents do and do not understand.) One day, we were playing some backyard game that started off with a round of "Eenie-Meenie" only instead of catching a "tiger" by the toe they said this other word that I had never heard before. It sounded like "nee-gah," the way they said it, but not wanting to demonstrate how uncool I was, I never asked them what it meant. I assumed it was some neato Australian slang.
   
   Cut to some time later and I was doing "Eenie-Meenie" at my parents' house. Wanting to show off my cool Australian slang, I said "Catch a nee-gah by the toe." My mom thundered 'WHAT DID YOU SAY' at me and I had to confess my embarrassing secret: I had no idea what I said. I was just copying my cool Australian friends. My mom explained to me, I think relieved that I was just being a dumb copier, that that was a word that I was never to say again, a word people said about black people that was a very bad word indeed. I got the picture.
   
   
2. Many many years later I was writing up an episode of American Idol for the AV Club, feeling annoyed by the show as I frequently did, annoyed by how much time the show took and how little time I had to write it up in a semi-comprehensible manner and how little money I was making to do so. I really couldn't stand the way Randy Jackson dressed a great deal of the time, and I thought the makeup on him was weirdly unflattering. It made him look purple. "Why does Randy Jackson look like an eggplant?" I tossed aside in my post before heading to bed. The next morning, some helpful commenters alerted me to the fact that, guess what, "eggplant" is a derogatory term some people use to describe black people. I had never heard this phrase before. The n-word, by now, obviously, but not this one. I deleted the reference or made a note of my ignorant error (I don't really care to look it up to be honest, but feel free if you want to), embarrassed but grateful for the lesson.

I'm just glad that both these situations occurred before the age of hardcore Twitter-and internet-shaming. Some people, yes, deserve our public wrath for being knowingly and/or proudly ignorant or hurtful (looking at you, shouting racist frat boys.) They should know better and do better. But also, sometimes people just make dumb mistakes or are sloppy and it's not necessarily an indicator of hatred or prejudice or latent racism. Sometimes people just need a correction. I'm embarrassed I was accidentally racist both those times, but I'm glad I was able to learn what I did wrong in a private or semi-private setting, because learning a shameful but helpful lesson on your own is hard enough.