I would like to publicly acknowledge my friend Julie Coe as well as my cousins Lauren, Liz and Meredith Fritz, because those are some of the most getting-it-done women I know in terms of social engagement. Whenever I hear from any of them about getting a group together, not only do their emails include a desire to get together, but a selection of dates for the group to decide upon as well.

This shouldn't seem like a big deal, but it is one of those things that really facilitates seeing your loved ones on a regular basis. Some friends and I have been chagrined to noticed a theme in our social lives lately: the passive aggressive girlfriend-date. I know I've been guilty of half-assed date-making myself but it seems to be occurring more. It typically takes this form:

"Hey, let's get together! Throw out some dates you are free!"

What's wrong with this? Well, it puts the onus on the recipient of the email, and in my case, it is sort of a production to open up my planner, look for free dates, check the family calendar, see if I need baby care, and so on, before penciling them all in. And then, what do you do with those dates? Hold them until the other person gets back to you? Meanwhile, the original half-assed inviter sort of gets the 'credit' for suggesting the hangout in the first place, while giving the impression that she doesn't really care a ton if you two get together in the first place, because she'll just wait and hear back from you and yay or nay those dates that you painstakingly put together.

This is some female social Larry David crankiness on my part, I know, and I absolutely know I am not innocent of the meaningless "We should hang out!" declaration. But seriously, if you want to see your friend, tell her when you are free instead of asking her to tell you when she is free. If she does indeed have a busier schedule than you do, at least put a little definition around when you'd like to hang out--sometime in the next few weeks, for a walk, for coffee, some weeknight--so it's not just a flaccid freeballing suggestion hanging there in mid-air.  Maybe the rule of thumb should be, if you sort of want to see your friend but don't really care to sketch out where or how or when, maybe wait on suggesting to hang out until you want to see her bad enough to put a bit more structure into the invite.

That is all. Carry on.

(If you never want to hang out with me again after reading this, I understand.)