Now Introducing: Double Spanx

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Hey, on Friday night I'm going to be performing with Shame that Tune. I need to find a humiliating journal entry to read and then they're going to write a song about it. Oh boy.

OK, so just a brief wrapup:

We've got Spanx.

We've got Spanx for men.

We've got Spanx swimsuits.

There's Spanx clothes.

And we've got knockoff Spanx for such activities as wearing t-shirts or pretending you look fit and trim on the basketball court.

Also, I can't find a link for it but we've also got Spanx-type items specifically for smoothing out the area between where your t-shirt ends and your jeans begin.

I'd like to submit a patent for something called "Double-Spanx," which is basically Spanx for your Spanx. Essentially, what's going to happen is that eventually, everyone's going to end up in Spanx, which will result in the unfair leveling of the body shaping playing field. Everyone will look 5-10 pounds slimmer. But true winners out there will wish to looks 10-15 pounds slimmer, and that's where double-Spanx fit in.

Double-Spanx will feature more than double the Spanx technology--it's even better than wearing two Spanx at once, thanks to Spanx's secret spanky ingredient.

Of course, currently Double-Spanx is only in the very earliest stages of execution, so you can't expect them anytime too soon but eventually, if we live long enough, we will see the technology that makes it easy for discriminating Spanx-wearers to enjoy even more Spanx-power, which will make the mere regular Spanx-wearers look like big fat fatties in comparison.

May we see triple the Spanx power in the future? Possibly, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. We've got a long ways to go.