Two Ways to Look at High Dark Socks on Men

A.) Gross.

On the way to work today I passed a sweaty man running down Michigan Avenue and what I noticed about him was that he was wearing black athletic socks, pulled up high. It's already a hot, humid day so I'm not sure why this guy opted to cover himself up more with high socks and dark colors, which we all know absorbs heat (or something). Moreover, I have a a thing against black workout socks. I remember once a guy in college observed "black socks stink more than white socks," and while I don't know if this is true and whether the science behind this is factual, I've always then associated black workout socks with disgusting sweat and stink (don't even get me started on those shoes that look like feet, and why the black ones are especially awful, except, as I observed the other day, on black men, for some reason). Anyway. Hot sweaty day, hot sweaty guy, hot black sweaty socks=gross.

B.) Charming

After I passed the jogging guy I passed by an elderly gentleman wearing a polo shirt, shorts, brown loafers and dark green knee socks. I went to Bermuda once as a kid and at the time found the whole "Bermuda shorts" look to be patently ridiculous. Why would you wear shorts only to pull up your socks? Why are men wearing knee socks? They're for little girls! But this guy made me come around. There was something about his look that was so sweet: "These are the clothes I put on in the summer." I think the fact that these socks were green and not black made me much more partial to this look, plus, the socks may have been practical in this case compare to the black sock scenario: perhaps the high socks protected the old legs from the harsh rays of the sun, or, conversely, protected the public from viewing what might have been less-than-gorgeous naked gams.

I guess my conclusion is, when you're a guy and you've got to wear your socks high, please ensure the following:

a.) They are not black.

b.) They are not sweaty

c.) You are old and cute and not young and gross.

Thank you for your time.