It Isn't Funny Anymore, J. Crew

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Here I am writing about "Project Runway" for the LA Times. Also, I contributed to an AVQ&A about childhood entertainment we still love.

OK, I have had enough. I am an occasional J. Crew customer and thus receive their catalogs but I've been noticing a disturbing trend lately wherein they've been trying to sell me stupid ugly crap that won't look good on anyone. I figured maybe it was some sort of experiment, you know, just an attempt to be silly to punch up the season but at this point I literally feel offended by the things it's trying to sell the American public. These are tough economic times and if we're buying clothes we should be buying things that will look good forever. J. Crew however wants you to spend your money on things that will make you look insane and delusional. Don't believe me? Check out some of their offerings.



I believe I've made my opinions known on this. I think it looked terrible when we wore these things in 1987 but at least we had the excuse of being young and stupid. Not anymore.

Fancy rolled up khakis


Oh this is fashion now? I thought this is what we wore when we were painting the house, or painting the flooded house.


I'd just like to point out these cost $168. You could get a very nice pair of shoes for that. Or a great dinner. Or a lot of groceries. Or, a pair of pre-paint-splattered overalls. And don't they look great with tiny socks? J. Crew thinks you're an idiot.

High-waisted belted mini-shorts


These are going to look great on EVERYONE.

Fashionable sweatpants:


Social sweatpants always say "I care about how I look" and now they make even more sense with heels, clingy ankles and a dropped crotch that resembles a diaper. Wear them to a wedding! Everyone will be jealous of how great you look.

These sandals:


Look at how flat the model's foot looks, how it looks like her foot is just connected to her leg with no transition. You can look just like her but worse!

And finally, tiny socks! I know Jezebel has talked about this but I can't stay silent anymore.


What is I don't even asdflajwefoaij;fajlajwef. Look at how awful they look on the models. They look like the type of European grannies we always make fun of and they're MODELS. You are really telling us, the short, pudgy, cankled, that nothing will look better than cutting ourselves off at the ankle, with open-toed shoes to boot? Stop being jerks and cut it out.