Ways to Improve the Winter Olympics

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Make the opening ceremonies funny and stop trying to make your country interesting:
I cringe when I think about what Chicago would have done, now, for the opening ceremonies after looking at Vancouver's. Have people dressed as dancing cows to honor the stockyards? Last week I would have rather seen Canada's best comedians having at it, maybe making fun of all the other countries individually as they entered the stadium ("Nice socks, Bermuda"). Also, less slam poetry.

Have a fashion contest
There were only one or two countries that had neat style at the opening ceremonies: one of the Eastern European countries, I think, had snappy black overcoats with red scarves. While our parkas might have been Ralph Lauren they still were big puffy parkas and the white sweatpants reminded me of the Penguin's pants in "Batman Returns." How about a medal for best outfit in any category? This competition would be so much better if we could see some curlers wearing those Alexander McQueen (RIP) lobster claw shoes.

One reality-show contestant per event
What would you give to see someone from "The Hills" or "Jersey Shore" attempting to speed-skate alongside Apolo Anton Ohno? Not only could we cheer for our heroes but finally we could see someone filled with a misplaced sense of self-worth eat it on ice.

Let's get Bob Costas drunk.
And actually send hm to the events. Except maybe the biathalon: that could go horribly wrong.

More inter-national rivalries
If you've seen "Be Good Johnny Weir," you'll know that he has a bitter rivalry with the evil Evan Lysacek. I don't actually know if there is anything evil about Evan but he looks like a rival. I think it would be more fun if there was a good representative and an evil representative from each country.

More Johnny Weir in general
I mean come on.