Romantic Dos and Don'ts

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DO: Make your sweetie a comforting home-cooked meal, like, oh, say, southwestern pulled brisket with all the fixin's. Serve with love.

DON'T: Eat so much brisket yourself that you must spread your limbs akimbo on the couch in order to give your stomach optimal spreading-out in order to let the food settle, all the while groaning.

Apparently that is not a turn-on.