From the person who gave me stankface and muttered "It's a DOG Park" after his huge albino Great Dane repeatedly tried to hump my obviously-unhappy greyhound.

RESPONSE: "It's not a dog RAPING park."

From the person who said "Stick with what you know" because he thinks I shouldn't review "So You Think You Can Dance" due to my lack of a dance background.

RESPONSE: "And you clearly are sticking with what YOU know: being lame."

From a friend from Detroit: "I hope the White Sox don't make it to the playoffs. No offense!"

RESPONSE: "None taken! I also hope the things you enjoy fall apart." (Note: in reality I said "None taken! I cannot begrudge the Motor City any small happinesses," which might be jerkier than my fake response.)