Tattooed Ladies

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I contributed to this piece on the AVC and I don't mind telling you part of my input was the "Wayne's World" reference.

This isn't related to anything but I realized lately that amongst the other things they have going for them, beautiful women have also appropriated one more thing: extravagant tattoos. I am not a big fan of full-sleeve tattoos (or major swaths of skin covered in ink). It just looks weird to me, like you're wearing fake clothes or maybe you're standing in front of a green screen and a whole chunk of your body is missing. I'm not JUDGING--fortunately turning 30 has brought me a new appreciation of not caring so much about what other people do--I don't care how it's going to look when they're 80 or why they spent so much money on it or if they're degenerates or whatever. It's just an aesthetic thing.

However there is one exception and it is with particular style of lady, I'll call her Beautiful Ironic Retro. If you want to get a look at some of these women, just go to any cool salon and they're probably working the front desk or cutting hair. There are exceptions to these rules but typically they are very pale, wear Bettie-Page style hair and makeup and are unusually beautiful. They may also, with their free time, crochet salty sayings on pillows and make beautiful pies and also somehow find really neat items at resale shops (whereas I only find things that smell weird and fit weirder).

These women seem to be able to pull off the big extravagant tattoos. There is one lady at my salon who has a gigantic shark swimming across her clavicle and it looks amazing. If she were a guy you'd be thinking "OK, overcompensating, are we?" but, maybe because she is a perfect canvas it looks more like "body art" than "tramp stamp."

It just seems unfair. Pretty pretty people already have so many advantages in the world and this seems like it shouldn't be one of them, the successful pulling-off of major tattoos.

(And if you're wondering, I don't have any tattoos, because my parents raised me right. Just kidding, it's because I never thought of something I liked enough to have put on me for forever and also the few body parts I liked enough to have tattooed I wanted to keep free and clear without obstruction.)