"Impotent? Gay? Smelly?"
"My roommate is a little gnome from Belgravia, and my dorm is actually a cardboard box."
"Nobody's drinking anything out of my belly button."
Dear Whomever. Shut up. I hate you.
"I'm an enigma!"
"I pour water on my cereal and I drink beer with my cookies."
"I'm so nervous I could poop"