Hey y'all! You won't believe it but I dropped my cell phone in the toilet and it's wrecked. Well, actually, this is different from the other times I dropped my cell phone in the toilet, because this time I flushed it. I was sick of my iPhone and I wanted another.
I'm too lazy to track down your numbers myself though so can you please email me your cell phone number, address, birthday, clothing and shoe size and what types of food you don't like?
I'm not sure which of the people in my email list I actually want to have in my phone and which I don't really, so it's possible that I won't actually want your number in my phone. Don't be mad at me if, next time I see you, you ask to see my cool new phone (I wouldn't blame you) and you don't find your number in there, although I doubt you'd even be able to figure out how the address book works since it's that rad and complicated.
While I have you on this email, I'd like to announce that I'm having a 4th of July barbecue, and since I can't remember the password to my Evite account, I'm letting you all know here. Again, though, I don't have time to go through this entire address book and sort out who I really want to come from who I don't, but if you've made the transition from the old, bad cell phone into the new, good cell phone then you're on the list. Just please send me your contact information and then day of the party, follow-up with me to see if you're invited to the party. If you are, can you please bring one of the following: beer, wine, pig, knives, barbecue, plates, watermelon, cupcakes, sparklers, iPod stereo dock? Don't worry about the tunes: I can play those from my new iPhone (I don't mean to brag).
Finally, I am changing my email address as of today. From now on my address will be exactly the same except instead of email@example.com it will actually be firstname.lastname@example.org. Isn't that clever? Please, though, if you have gmail, do not add me to your chat buddy list unless you ask me first. You'll have two hours to request after this email is sent and then I will disable my old email address. Any unsolicited invitations to chat will be REJECTED and you will definitely NOT be in my new iPhone and you will not be invited to the party, or at the very least you can come but you cannot eat or drink anything.
Whew! Sorry for the mass email!