Straighten Up and Fly Coach

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I enjoy reading articles about "The Recession! How it Affects Rich People, Sorta." Like yesterday in the New York Times there was a woman who used the recession as an excuse--not even because it actually affected her--to fire her nanny and hire one who didn't have the temerity to ask to get off New Years Eve. Or, you know, you read in Town and Country about how it's best not to brag at the cocktail party about the boat you just bought. It's OK to have the boat and to go to the cocktail party but this season, let's be modest, please.

So of course this leads to the discussion of salary caps for government bailout business executives. I have learned a few good reasons why this might not be a foolproof plan, for instance, it could lead to more American talent going to foreign companies that pay better. But the worst excuse I've read so far against the bailout is that living on $500,000 a year puts a crimp in the style of certain people who have become accustomed to a certain lifestyle.

You know, I've been lucky enough to have flown business class on a couple of international flights. And it is amazing how you can pay a certain amount of money and something that is tedious at best and frightening at worst is transformed into a delightful, luxurious experience. It's like if you could pay your dentist to make your appointment feel like a massage. I would say it's pretty close to having money buy happiness. Now I am not accustomed to traveling in this manner but if I were, and somebody told me I had to stop, I would be secretly bummed, but I would not complain about it in front of everyone else who had to fly coach, much less all the people who could never afford to fly overseas in their entire lives. I would write about it in my journal or something and then hide the journal.

Yes, it's better to complain about these things to the journalists at the Sunday Styles section as opposed to a reporter from Streetwise, but even still, who feels bad for you if suddenly you feel a pinch when ordering your car service? Your wife and kids, I suppose, but even your friends are secretly laughing because when you make that much money, that's how everyone is--laughing at your ass when you can't afford a nanny who will work New Year's Eve. So STFU, people upset about your horrible horrible new lifestyle. Start a listserv or some shit but don't complain around the rest of us.