Former Chicago Bull player Jason Cafferty is being sued by eight women for child support on ten children that he spawned. Many of you might go "Hasn't this guy heard of a condom?" or "Which ladies were lucky enough to get more than one?" or "My hero" but all I can think of is "Man, I've been there." That's because my husband is also being sued by eight women for the ten children that he fathered. I'm really proud of him and all these kids and I'd like to introduce them to you now:

First, there is Tifanay:

Steve met her when they were in jail at the same time for unrelated arrests. Nine months later she gave birth to Tater, who is now a happy 95-pound 5 year old. I hear he likes trucks and triangles and I look forward to meeting him one day.

Then, there is Doreen:

Steve met her online and they didn't hit it off except they have one sentimental token of their brief friendship and that is their daughter Tanja, who is 13 and likes rock n' roll and older men. She has a job which is good.

There is also this lady:

Steve won't tell me anything about her because he says it's just better that way for me, and better not to know anything about the twins, either, who may or may not be conjoined: I haven't gotten confirmation on that.

Steve met Arrr-lene at a Renaissance Faire:

She seems nice but she scares me a little bit. She's very "outgoing." She's the mother of Euripidee, the only child of Steve's who I have actually met. She's a nice kid. Kind of stinky.

Steve just donated his sperm to create Josephine's baby but somehow he also got roped into providing child support as well:

Dunno how that happened. Pretty dumb on his part.

This lady, um, well, she kind of took advantage of Steve. You know, with force:

A child, Wendy, came of this unexpected union and Steve decided she deserves to have a man in her life.

Unfortunately he forgot about the eight other kids and she kind of got left behind but I think that he had good intentions.

This woman:



Confused Steve for someone else. Someone rich and powerful, I think.

Finally, there is this woman. I don't consider myself a jealous person but if I found this woman I would surely cut her:

For she is the only one who Steve ever loved, which he has denied, but if this is the case, why did he go back after fathering Larry and then spawn Therese-St.Croix? This woman is my true competition.

Anyway, I'm just saying I don't see what the big deal is. Children need love, even if they are little bastards.